Trapped

I see you

But do you really see me?

I hear you

But are you listening to me?

I sense your presence

But why do you not acknowledge mine?

I feel your touch?
Why is it fleeting? Where is the warmth?

I am speaking

Why are the words not the same?

Solid, unmoving and isolated.

The room, cold, unfeeling, so alien.

I am screaming, but you don't hear me.

Nothing but empty faces, blank stares and soulless touches.

Rough and unyielding, moved against my will, an object of consequence, an irritation.

No control, no connection, no humanity

Yelling, "I'm here, please someone SEE me"

Trapped in a biological prison

And so it begins...

Life's good, life's great

Life's bad, life sucks

...big hairy balls.

Make up your mind life. Full of twists and turns. Full of uphills and downhills.

Ever-changing like the wind, like the tides, like the current, like the fricken traffic lights.

No standing still, no place out of time, no sanctuary of oblivion. Just busyness, just movement, just a rushing river current filled with rocks, eels, sticks, cow pats, children and sometimes a good waterfall just for a little fun.

I once heard that you always wake up expecting the greatest or the worst for the day.....or like me you wake up and stumble like a zombie for an hour. Great! Everyday choices displayed, everyday decisions needed to be made, every day dreams to reach, everyday reality to be discovered, and every fricken day a new test of who we are. Expect the worse...you get it? and vica versa? But I thought it was ever changing....like a traffic light. You know what! Tomorrow, expect to expect some more expectations.

Oh Fuck it.

........It's life........

Identifying and Identifying with a liar

First impressions are perhaps the cornerstone of the Western world's social interaction rules. We rely on most of our senses to help us identify the character, morals and opinions of the new people we meet, mostly backed up by our own character, morals and opinions.

Obviously we are assessing their appearance, and depending on our own backgrounds people may meet our preferences or not. Perhaps they are wearing branded clothing, depending if you care, or maybe their clothes are dirty and they appear unkempt, or you just don't like their faces. All factors influencing in your first impression. An impression that everyone seems to feel will last for the duration of the relationship.

A little scenario for you, you're walking down the street and you see someone rush past a person who dropped a stack of papers; no offer of help. Or perhaps, you see someone letting their dog poop on the sidewalk and just walk off quickly, or even perhaps you get offered a cookie from a person next to you on the bus. All situations in which impressions are formed and a type of relationship.

Ah, and then the next step follows, a more in depth view on a person's character, is he honest, is he reliable and most of all is he trustworthy. Now this in my imagination would mostly be employed by big business-type men, who often with a handshake can tell the character of a person; if only. But often, we don't even know we are judging whether that person is a liar or not, or whether he would keep my secret or not...but more often than not, we are.

This brings me to my case study. I had been employed to count things, hahahaha i know how that sounds, loved that job. And I had been partnered with another counter, now of course there was only so many things you could count, and being paid by the hour, I had wanted to stretch it out slightly...too an appropriate amount of course. And the problem with a partner is, you don't know what he's really thinking and since he's new as well, how his moral compass points. Oh the fabled moral compass, I mean if you weren't a 100% honest would it directly point down south no matter how little the indiscretion?

You get little glances passing from each other as you finish one lot of counting before one is expected to finish, little awkward conversations on how you need money, how jobs are hard to find, how long this job is meant to take, etc etc. Just little glimpses of who you are dealing with I guess. How often in life have you done this? Not getting out with it but going around in circles trying to get a handle on the other person's moral bearing.

Now this must sound a little shifty, you are probably thinking, "wow, what a crook. I would never do something like that." or maybe even, "that's dishonest, almost like stealing". But this is only an example, and honestly guys, would you not even think about doing the same thing....

(not condoning it!!!!!)

But the point is, you do it, I do it, we all do it. You may not know you're doing it, you may excel in it or it's simply a human feature that we just don't register is happening. A defense mechanism? A protection method in which to save us from being screwed over in life, especially by all those "baddies" out there lol. It's just something that I have a feeling all of us 'amoral' folk will continue doing....I mean after all who wouldn't want a little extra cash..... :)

Is it possible to love all?

I love everything. Yes that's right reader I, the writer of this blog, therefore the authority of its content, love everything. I love all music, all movie genres, all races, all species, all cars, all people, all weather, all everything! I may have slight preferences depending on the mood but I LOVE ALL!

Now how many of you believed any of that hogwash at the top of the page? None? No one?
Most people would say, "good for you, you weren't caught up in that idiocy" or maybe "anyone who thinks that way lives in La-La land and has never experienced real life". There is a definite understanding that one is not living in common reality when one strives to love all, some say pessimistic, some say realistic and some say life is all about preferences.

....why?
No seriously, why? Is it really not possible to love all, or at least have a tolerance for everything? Is it not in our human nature? Is it encoded in our genes to prefer some over others? Or perhaps the nurture point of view; is there simply no examples to follow and live by? Are we engineered from the womb to accept this over that, or is it simply accepted and taught as a fact of life?

No idea personally, I'm not here to give answers; just examples and more questions.

This all came about with a friend of mine who was giving me some music, ofcourse asking what my preference is, and me saying I actually honestly have no preferences was so foreign a concept to him that he decided to give me his preferences instead. And truly I have not found music that hasn't grown on me or that I can't listen to in certain moods. So once again is it that abnormal to love all music?

This topic ofcourse could easily slip into a discussion on race or religion or phobias or personal bounderies, etc, etc. It could carry on and on and on...till there are only red-faced people staring into a computer screen wondering what the world is coming too with such idiots in it. lol.

But of course, I do understand that almost all people in the world have preferences or absolute blockages when it comes to certain things in the world....but this blog is not about me telling everyone off or me showing any kind of superiority in any way.

It is merely here to stimulate, to enlarge your scope, to open your mind and most importantly, to reflect.

After all Confucius did say, "By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. "

Gone

The walls so white and stark in contrast,

the portraits of friends and the colours of my country

no longer present on its walls

Signifying an end to an era,

A year, almost a glimpse in life, gone,

as if it might as well never existed

It is so empty, and bare,

mirror to my soul,

mirror to my mind,

and mirror to the hope of continued ignorance

Will I forget? maybe

Will they forget? probably

Will the walls of this room forget? definitely

It is a blank slate,

returned to its orginal,

readying itself for the next mouldable soul,

the next wanderer,

the next parent, the next child,

the next student of the world,

but most importantly,

the next future.

It is so white, so bare, a blank slate,

as if it has already forgotten me.

Pandering and not even knowing.

Recently I had learn't that a friend of mine was close to a child that had gone missing, and later that week we had found out the police had found a body. As per usual something had circulated around facebook, a balloon in which people pass around and write their sympathys. But as I was so hopeful and slightly shocked by reading it on Facebook I wrote down that I knew someone and that I couldn't believe it! OMG. This is where I wake up the next day and find that a person had commented how much of a hipocrit I was, trying to get my claim to fame by defiling this girl's name by name dropping. Suffice to say I was slightly shocked and I still can't seem to get over it; it started me thinking on what I was thinking at the time I wrote that comment....

Was I actually trying to bring attention to myself by estabilishing a connection, was I being the very type of person I scorn and most importantly was I doing it without even knowing that I was. I think it's at this point where you've really got to know yourself, know what your values are and be TOTALLY honest with yourself.

And honestly I don't know why I wrote it, except to express my grief as others had, but I definitely know I meant no harm... will I be checking myself before I say anything now? Should I always consider other peoples' reactions before I act every time? I just don't seem to know how to approach this...perhaps just being aware of it allows me to think about the motivation behind my actions; maybe that's enough for now.

Maturity comes with age?

Ok, I go to AUT university in Auckland, and during our many and varied lunch breaks we have the great pleasure of hanging out in the local cafeteria, you'd think that was a good thing,right? WRONG!

We walk in with a casual fascade (whereas inside we are ravinous from hunger), we scope out seating and move our way forward to just stop a meter away and be repelled the site of garbage, food wrappers and yes still the food on the table.
This is not a cafeteria at a primary school, nor a kindergarden and most definetly not a mental asylum this is university where mature students come to mould there futures and supposedly become more "worldly".

Once again, WRONG!
This is clearly not a pandemic regioned off to one group of people nor is it actually a race thing(asians tend to be cleaner, just saying). It's a bloody epidemic and yes I will compare it to the extremes of swine flu as I believe strongly that these 'pigs' love for others to wallow in their filth, oh no they would never want their filth pushed on them. I say we get them to clean out the mess halls of kindergardens because that's what they leave behind for us.

I am peronally taking it upon myself to embarass EVERY SINGLE one of them by exclaiming loudly that they left their rubbish on the table and it would be 'nice' if they clea up their filth so we don't have to live in it. THANK YOU VERY MUCH PIGS!!

Grow up slightly and walk a little over a meter to the nearest bin, there are 6 sets in the cafeteria including recycling bins handely marked for your information! Learn to read, or better yet learn to not live in filth!!